omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
