I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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