My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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