She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
