True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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