i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You are a genius and a whore.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize