Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
