Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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