i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
