god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
