so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
