I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
not ubering you a puppy
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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