Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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