i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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