i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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