He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
