She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
