Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
