He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
