I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
