That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
