Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
