jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize