Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
