I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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