neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
