apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
