it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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