At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just invented taco cereal.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
