Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
