I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
