so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
