I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
