i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize