dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
