I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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