He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
