i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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