god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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