LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
