Are we in a gay sports bar?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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