I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Randomize
