I will die if light touches me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
