i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
