He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
