Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
