Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You took a bar mat shot.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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