someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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