okay pat passed out under dana's car
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
