This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Randomize
