listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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