Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
