A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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