I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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