i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
