out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
