defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
