How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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