i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
