On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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