im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
