I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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