I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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