I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
