We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
